the american government has fallen
congress is dead
they are coming



WE SURRENDER!
WTF this is masterful, 10/10.
Other people have said this in notes, but the Bulwer-Lytton contest involves writing the most absurd opener you can think of and submitting it to the contest. It's not a judgment like the Razzies or the bad sex in books award or something; it's a game. Diana Murtaugh of Baltimore is to be congratulated for this win.
I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck
Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like
hes the only one who understood the assignment. Shakespeare is supposed to feel like this.
The princess has been rescued, hooray! But to her dismay the hero isn't young and handsome, instead he's a middle aged divorcee who took the job to pay alimony and child support.
Shrek
“my bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea,”
are we talking about the same body of water here, which is weird, or different bodies of water, which is even weirder
this makes more sense if you assume both are the same body of water but the time between the statements is about 50 million years
you’re right, that’s significantly less weird
toasthaste said: maybe there’s more than one bonnie
blocked
i bless the bonnie over africa
The bonnie is in geosychronous orbit, thus over all the Earth’s bodies of water
#that giraffe is being so cute and curious and gentle#and that is running full speed because this is the worst fucking day if his LIFE#like IMAGINE having your butt gently scooted by the snoot of a pressence so massive#your body is not designed to even see high enough to see the top of#abd hes just gently nudging you along as you run for your life as fast as your legs can carry you#giraffe is playing humans are enjoying turtle is living out a cosmic horror story